you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
