dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
