careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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