Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
