We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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