It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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