I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
