By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
