apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
