I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What a dumb baby whore.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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