I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
