OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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