I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
