Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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