apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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