sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
