ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
