Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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