I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize