i barfeds in our rink
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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