I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i don't like sucking hair
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize