can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
birth control should be required to get into college
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
