there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
