i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Randomize
