last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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