Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
