I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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