I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize