Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize