If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
