They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
