We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
