people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
