Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
