I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
