She said her name was "party"
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I came so hard my ears popped.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
