i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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