rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
