yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
