from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
