1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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