i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is the high leading the old right now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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