Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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