you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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