yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
