just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
