i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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