Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
