I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
