sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
