I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
