The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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