If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
