I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
