Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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