you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize