...so i touched it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
