PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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