Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
