i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
