Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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