If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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