o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
