I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
