What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Randomize
